Friday, October 1, 2010

My Week in Facebook Status Updates

So, lately I feel like it has become a lot easier for me to come up with short Facebook status updates rather than an entire coherent blog post. And, since I'm obviously in need of blog post ideas, I thought I might share what some of those updates would have been if I was actually motivated enough to publish them as my status throughout this past week. Here goes:

Jennifer Richardson Dzioba...

would prefer to clean the house when it is gloomy and cloudy out as opposed to bright and sunny...there is something about the sun shining through the windows, illuminating every single speck of dust, smudge, and fingerprint on every single surface of her home that makes it feel like she could clean all day long and accomplish close to nothing.

would like to make applesauce with all those apples taking up residence in her refrigerator's fruit drawer, but has no motivation to peel, core, and cut them all up.

's son is convinced that he will one day be able to fly...as soon as he can acquire a rocket or a pair of some wings.

is experiencing a crisis of major proportions...the washing machine is broken and the only two pairs of pants that fit her right now are dirty.

is convinced Yankee Candle Company has put something in their candles that causes them to disappear far too quickly...either that or there is a major candle burning addiction in the works at her house.

's husband just informed her that the reason the washing machine is not working is because she has been using the wrong type of soap. Apparently, HE machines and regular laundry detergent produce massive amounts of bubbles that must be personally scooped out and removed.

's daughter just informed her that it is good that we have two potty seats (an adult one and a kid one) because her mom's butt is pretty big. Thanks.

would like to announce that, for the record, her husband was present during the shopping trip that the non-HE laundry soap was purchased and he did not object.

is excited about her new cell phone that now also keeps her calendar and sends/receives e-mail. Her husband is most excited about the GPS feature so that his wife will stop calling him at work to ask for directions when she is lost.

is glad that the people from House Hunters aren't considering purchasing her home because if they think the kitchen and bathroom they just looked at needs updating, then I don't want to know what they think of mine.

's son's nose is sick today and she has now become "Bob" as opposed to "Mom."

's husband had a great day at work, so we made him Rice Krispie Treats in celebration. Unfortunately, she discovered her biggest bowl is not big enough to contain and mix a double batch of Rice Krispie Treats and half the cereal ended up on the kitchen floor.

thinks this is probably TMI for a status update, but must share that her son now officially names his bowel movements after members of her family. For instance, last night, after a very small turd and a more moderate sized one, he proclaimed he just had a "Mommy Poopy and a Baby Olivia Poopy."

and the kids are having a stay-at-home pajama day today...mostly because she still hasn't purchased new laundry soap due to the fact that she has no pants to wear to the store.

1 comment:

Soccerbelle said...

Hilarious. Reading this made all the stress of the day disappear. Thank you!