Monday, January 10, 2011

Shopping Trip

At the end of this month I will be attending a fancy-schmancy dinner with my husband and a few of his coworkers and their spouses.  The prospect of an evening out with all adults and no kids, complete with sophisticated conversation over a steak dinner, was at first incredibly appealing...until I was informed of the attire:  cocktail.  Because cocktail parties are not usually part of my job description, it should come as no surprise that I only own one cocktail dress--heck, I'm shocked that I actually even own one.  Anyway, I am quite fond of my knee-length black cocktail dress that is collecting dust hanging in the back of my closet (along with the pearl necklace, earrings, and 3-inch peep-toe heels to accessorize it) and can't wait to wear it again. 
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The only problem with my perfect cocktail dress is that it is two sizes smaller than what my current curvaceous 2-month post-partum body will allow itself to be adorned in.  Even if I could finagle the dress over my hips, yank it up over what's left of the once-cute but now annoying belly bump, and somehow miraculously get it zipped, I'm fairly certain by the end of the night (after missing one, if not two times nursing Miss Olivia), my ever increasing Pamela Anderson-style you-know-whats would not only create quite the scene, but would absolutely cause my perfect dress to split at the seems. And although a wardrobe malfunction of that magnitude would definitely leave a lasting impression, it is not quite the impression I would be going for amongst my husband's co-workers.
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So, to save my poor husband from such a horrifically embarrassing scene, I left him at home alone to supervise all three kids while watching the Packer game yesterday as I went to the mall in search of a new cocktail dress.
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Let me start by stating, for the record, that it is never a good idea to go shopping for a cocktail dress one week after New Year's.  Although the prices will be unbeatable (yay for 60% off!), you will be depressed that the only sizes left are 2's and 00's.  And, if you are able to locate and procure a 60% off gem in your current size, it will look like something closer to what your grandmother would wear to a wedding in the middle of July or something that no one in the whole world other than your husband should ever see you put on. 
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Plus, if you are unusually tall (say, approximately 5'11", for instance), you have to keep in mind that the above-the-knee-length cocktail dress designed for the average-height woman will show a lot more than just the one or two inches above your knee.  And, if you are considering purchasing one of them because it happens to actually fit and not make you look like you should be standing on a street corner, you must remember to do the sit-test and bend-over test in the fitting room...unless perhaps you are considering standing upright for the entire duration of your event (which you will seriously debate that possibility). 
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Anyway, despite the challenges of shopping for formal wear, I am incredibly thankful for the helpful sales associates who are placed strategically by the dressing room doors to help make choosing that perfect little black dress a breeze.  I mean, it definitely makes me feel 100% better about my choice to hear the perky sales associate tell me that my obviously-too-tight number is nothing more than sleek and sexy.  Ummm...I'm not sure where you have been 20-year old tan sales associate (who obviously just returned from spending a week on a sunny tropical beach in Florida or Mexico, clad only in a string bikini, because no one is naturally that tan in January if they live in Minnesota) and has never had to worry about thunder thighs or a jiggly belly, but the last time I checked, looking four months preggo in a black cocktail dress that I will pay approximately $100 for is neither sleek nor sexy. 
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So, obviously my shopping trip wasn't all that fun, but it did prove surprisingly fruitful.  After trying on more ugly black dresses than I care to count, I was finally able to find one at White House/Black Market that not only fit and seemed moderately fashionable, but that didn't also cost an arm and a leg (ok, so maybe it cost just a leg...).  Along with the industrial-strength spandex tummy-tucker/thigh slimmer/booty lifter I was able to snag at VS and the 70% off heals I found at Macy's (because after thinking further on the subject of winter in Minnesota, I decided peep toe heels in January weren't my cup of tea), I am just about set....that is until I try it on again next week and change my mind.

1 comment:

J mom said...

I so feel for you on this one! I always have had one or two dress up deals while I was preggo and that never worked out well. I am sure you will look fab and more than anything have fun too. Thanks for sharing your life - I need that laughs : )